Chapter 46
instantly causing me to clear my throat and look away, glancing down at my wrist watch.
Our eyes meet for a longer duration than usual, in which I begin to realise that my eyes are staring deeply into her; not just carelessly glancing but the way she is looking back at me, shows anything but love. Probably a friend-kind-of-love but nothing more than that; "I think I'm not feeling well. I'm going inside," I say before making my way towards the house but I'm stopped by her grabbing onto my hand.
"Are you sick? What's wrong?" She asks and to my surprise, she starts to stand on her tiptoes before placing her hand on my forehead; trying to check my body temperature before quickly grabbing onto my hand in order to check my pulse. "Why is your heart beating so fast?" She raises an eyebrow. "Probably just hot out here," I reply after quickly pulling my hand away from her grip.
"But, it's pretty windy." She frowns, not expecting me to pull my hand away so harshly and truth be told, I didn't expect myself to react the way I did, either but there's just some sort of nervousness spreading all over my body, something I've never felt before... not even when I saw my first crush in high school.
Ignoring her, I quickly walk away as I keep on chanting in my mind to stay calm and be cool; not to overreact or be foolish in front of her. I don't want her to notice anything different going on with me and it's best if we just remain friends as we always have been; not carelessly or foolishly stutter.
"For fuck's sake, Aidan. Calm the fuck down," I say to myself, repeatedly.
I look up at my reflection in the mirror, seeing how my hair's a mess and my lips are somehow slightly trembling but other than that, I'm good. Quickly running my fingers through my hair, I manage to make myself look presentable.
Walking out of the bathroom, my eyes meet with a concerned Kenna; standing in front of the bathroom door which surprises me more than a ghost can. Our eyes meet as she crosses her arms, "What's up with you, huh?" She asks, eyes squinting. "Nothing, Kenna. I'm going back outside," I reply without paying another second looking in her eyes.
"Avoiding eye contact, short replies, in need of going away. These are the signs of silent treatment. Are you having problems at work? Did I say or do something wrong? Am I the cause of this?" She continues to ask multiple questions, stopping me.
No. No and yes. If only I can say what I feel inside, the sudden burst of emotions in my body and just get this over or probably just cup onto her face and meet her lips in a passionate and meaningful kiss but I can't; there are certain things that I can't do and one of it is being passionate with my own wife.Nôvel/Dr(a)ma.Org - Content owner.
"I have a slight headache. That's it," I reply with a small smile on my face before running the back of my hand at the side of her face, feeling the softness of her skin against mine.
Just like that, I start to walk away from her. This time, she doesn't bother to follow after me and ask more questions which is a relief because I feel as if I need to be away from her for awhile; not because of anything else but because I need to reassure my own feelings for Kenna, I can't simply confirm it without further inspections.
--
That night, I've been trying my best to keep myself away from Kenna; just for a little while. I want to make sure that these feelings will go away in a short amount of time than letting them linger for much longer.
Still, I can't keep my eyes away from her. I would be looking at her for a few times in a minute and I would even search for her when she's not around, which means that my plan is just plain bullshit. Maybe, I just have to start accepting how these feelings wont simply go away.
I only have to admit that they come with reasons. Unsettled reasons.
My eyes wander to Kenna and see
her walking further towards the trees, causing me to follow her. Her hair tied up into a ponytail, bouncing side to side as she continues to walk, watching her step. Just as she walks on her own, I help her by
making sure to catch her if she falls by taking a wrong step.
"I know you're there, Aidan." She says, not sparing a single glance towards my direction.
"Intuition?" I ask, taking a few steps closer towards her. "Or just a blunt guess?" My questions seem to have a little hint of humour as she shakes her head, turning her head sideways to look at me.
"Call it a lucky guess," She replies.
Then, she continues to eye my face; not wasting a single second. For some reason, I can't seem to look away and break the eye contact. there's something in me, wanting to just look into her eyes and continue to experience the way her eyes gaze into mine. It's not everyday that I get to feel this way.
"I thought you were giving me the silent treatment but you followed me here," She looks up to the sky; counting the stars.
How am I supposed to reply that? I simply can't say a word because I wasn't giving her the silent treatment... I was just making sure of my feelings. Maybe one day, I'll be able to sort it out and be confident of how I'll be feeling in the future but right now, I can never be so
sure.
"We used to come here when we were little," She changes the subject. "It's kind of funny to think about the places we used to go. Everywhere reminds me of us, Aidan; is that a good thing?" Her voice lower than before but the smile plastered on her face is never fading away.
"Well, we've been close ever since we were kids. It's not weird or funny to have most of these places remind you of us." I mutter under my breath, crossing my arms; only looking down at her. She chuckles, "True."
"Aidan, I think I miss us. We used to run along and hide behind one of these trees but now, we're far away from behind able to relive that. I don't mean it that we should travel through time and go through it all over again but it's weird how time flies," She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.
Our eyes meet again but this time,
she seems to glance down at my lips for a few times. I've been with different women to understand the meaning when they glance or stare at my lips but I'm not so sure Kenna. What if I'm just confu
with
What if there's just ketchup one
my
lips and she's somehow grossed out about but silently dreading?
Being with different women has given me experience in certain things but how can I not think of anything when it comes to Kenna? Even when she's flipping her hair or bite her lower lip, I can't help but to feel mesmerised than turned on. Is that normal? I glance down at her lips before realising that I'm currently leaning closer and closer towards her before brushing my nose against hers.
That's it. I begin to hesitate as I feel her soft lips meet mine before slowly moving my lips in sync, leading the kiss. One of my hands run up to the side of her face, trying to make sure that I'd be able to feel how real this is than thinking of it as a dream. We've kissed before. Mostly, in front of others but I can't feel the ecstasy in my veins before until now. The way she leans her body forward towards mine as she remains still at her spot while I cup onto her face... it feels like the first for us. Slowly, I begin to pull away; trying to see the look on her face.
"I was just testing my kissing skill," She says in a hurry before clearing her throat. "Thanks for that," She adds, looking up at the night sky while I stare and furrow my eyebrows, dumbfounded by her sudden reaction but a smile creeps up on my face. "No problem," I clear my throat. "Always here to help a friend," At the end, I bump my arm against her shoulder before shoving both of my hands into my jeans' pockets, turning around as I gesture for her to follow up.
Just as I'm not facing her anymore, I mentally slap myself at the word 'friend' after what we did.