Love for the Librarian

The days seemed to fly by. Before I knew it we had been there for three weeks. Things had gotten easier. My daily calls with Dylan were hurting a little less. Still hurt quite a bit but his assurances that he loved me was helping a little. He hadn’t gone back to Brittney like I thought he would. He was still telling me every night that he loved me. I know it won’t last but it was comforting for now.

This particular morning I woke up ready to upchuck everything I have ever eaten. All the bedrooms had ensuite bathrooms, so I spent a good part of the morning in there. Katelyn came to check on me when I didn’t come down for breakfast. “Are you sick?”

“No, I just really like this toilet. Of course I’m sick.” I groaned at her.

She came over and felt my head. “You don’t have a fever.”

“Still throwing up. Thank you for that update.”

“Boy you are cranky this morning. Are you?” She got quiet. She didn’t even finish the question.

“Am I what?” I look up at her.

“When was the last time you had your period?”

“Um, well. Oh, crap. I didn’t even think of that with the move and everything with Dylan. It can’t be though. I can’t be.”

“Really because you guys were oh so careful. Come on, the first two times you guys did it was in the heat of the moment. I doubt there was much protection and I know you are not on the pill.”

I start to cry. “Katelyn. I can’t do this.”

“Hey, hey.” She comes to the floor with me and pulls me to her. “I am here for you. You are not doing this alone. I will go get you a test. You stay right here. Don’t tell the guys anything ok. I don’t want their nosy butts involved until we know for sure.”

I nod at her. God please let her be wrong. Somehow I am doubting that. I know what this is now. We weren’t careful, I didn’t even think about it. What the hell am I going to do?

I managed to make it back to the bed and lay down. After about twenty minutes Alex comes in with a bowl and sets it down on the bedside table. The smell alone makes me gag. It is only chicken noodle. “Katelyn said you were sick. Is there anything that you need? I made soup. When I say made. I threw it in a bowl and put it in the microwave.”

I can’t help but smile. Even though I want to throw up some more. “No, I don’t think I can hold anything right now. Thanks though.”

“No, problem. Holler for me if you need anything.”

“I will, thanks Alex.”

“I am here to please.” He lifts his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh, if only I met you first.”

“Hey I am a patient man. I can wait for this guy to get out of your system. You are one of those girls you don’t give up on.”

“You might be waiting a while.”

“Like I said, you’re worth the wait.” Alex patted my back and left the room.

I can’t help but cry. I know it is too late for anything with Alex. Dylan is literally stuck with me for life. I just don’t know how to deal with this.

Katelyn comes back about twenty minutes later. “Sorry, that took so long. I didn’t know what one to get. I wound up getting like five. Come on, let’s get this over with. At this point if the test doesn’t come up positive then there is something wrong with it. Or else you aren’t and there is something else wrong with you.”

I trudge into the bathroom like I am on my way to my death. Katelyn laughs at me. “This isn’t the end of the world you know? We will be here for you. Besides I am sure if you tell Dylan he will be here in a second. You won’t have to go through this alone.”

I look at her. “I don’t want Dylan to know.”

“What the hell are you talking about? He is the father he should know.”

“I know he is the father, but he doesn’t need to know. At least not now. I am not going to be like Brittney and try to pressure him into being with me for a baby.”

“He doesn’t need any pressure. Sure he did wrong but he isn’t leaving you alone.”

“I know, but he needs to know for one hundred percent certainty that he wants me. I want him to live first. We are young, just starting college. A whole life. He doesn’t need this right now.”

“Riley it takes two to tango. He had to know this was a possibility. I mean he was there too.”

“Katelyn, I mean it, not one word to him about this. Dylan needs to live his life.”

She grits her teeth. “Fine, just take the damn test will you. I won’t tell Dylan. For now. I don’t know how long I can hold my tongue but I will for now.”

“Thank you. Now give me the tests. I will take a couple now just to be sure.”

“Take all five for all I care. I think I already know the answer.”

She leaves me with the tests. I know she is probably right but I really hope we are wrong. As I sit in the bathroom waiting for the lines on the test I am shocked how quickly they come up. I mean the tests say at least three minutes. I tell you it was like one minute there were plus signs and double pink lines everywhere. I did take all the tests. Every single one came up positive.

When I came out of the bathroom I knew Katelyn could tell by the look on my face what it was, but she still asked. “What’s the verdict?”

“Positive.” I whisper. She can still hear me. She gets up off my bed and scoops me in a hug.

“We got this girl. That baby is going to have so much love it is going to drown in it. I know how we can work out the school thing. I will help you with money so you don’t have to work right now. Just promise me one thing. Don’t wait forever to tell Dylan.”

“I won’t. I will tell him. At the latest it will be in four years when I come back.”

“Please don’t wait that long.”

“We’ll see.”

There is a knock on my door and Kevin pokes his head in. “I heard we had a sickly. Is there anything I can do?” I nodded and put my arm out to indicate I wanted a hug. He didn’t hesitate, he came straight to my arms. “Why are we all hugging? Did someone die?”

I laugh, I would be pissed if it was true, but since it isn’t I figure it is funny. “No, but can you get Alex? I think I should tell everyone at once.”

He pulls away and looks at me. “Ok, now I am worried.”

“Just go get Alex will you.” Katelyn snaps at him. He groans and then leaves to get Alex, more like yelling at him. He leaves the room hollering Alex’s name, rather than going to get him. Alex must not have been far because he came to the room in a minute.

Katelyn and I had made it to the bed and were sitting there waiting for them to get back. As soon as Alex came in looking a bit bewildered I took a deep breath and started. “So, It would seem that I am not as done with Dylan as I had hoped for at the moment.”

Kevin gives me a sideways look. “What the hell does that mean? Are you leaving?”

I shake my head. “No, but I am pregnant.” It is silent for a good five minutes. I think everyone is stund.

Katelyn breaks the silence. “Hey guys this is a good thing. Babies are blessings. She will be a terrific mother and she has us to help out.”

Kevin looks at me. “Are you going to tell him?”

“Eventually. Not now. I don’t want to be Brittney. He needs to choose to be with us. I will not force him. I am going to ask you not to tell him Kevin. I know you talk to him just as much as I do.”

Kevin rolls his eyes. “You know how happy he would be to hear about this. He does not want Brittney to be pregnant but that is not because of the baby, it is because of Brittney. He is just hoping that the paternity test says that he ain’t the daddy.”

“Yeah, and you know what he will do. He will jump on a plane and put everything on hold to be here. I will not put his life on hold because of me. He needs a life outside of me.”

“Riley, he loves you. He would want to know. He deserves to know.”

“Kevin, he will know. Just let it be right now ok.”

“Not until you give me a good reason.”

“I don’t want it to be like my parents, ok. They stayed together for my sake. It made my life and theirs miserable. Just give me damn time.” Tears are streaming down my face.

Alex takes charge. “Alright, I think that is enough stress on the baby for one day. Let’s cool it. Kevin lets go to the store and get some crackers and ginger ale. It is the only thing that my mom could hold down when she was first pregnant with my sister. It will be good for her.” He pulls Kevin out of the room.

Katelyn is rubbing my back. “I hate to agree with him, but he is right. Dylan deserves to know and make the choice himself. I love you, but I think you are making the wrong choice here. You are not your parents hun. However, I will be here for you nonetheless. That baby is not going to want for nothing with Aunty Katelyn around.”

I give a small laugh. “Yeah, you know you’re the Godmother right?”

“Damn straight. Now get some rest. I will talk to Kevin, I am sure he will be a stick in the mud about it, but he will do what you want. Maybe you should tell your mom and aunt. They would like to know.”

“Now them, I will tell.” I lean back on the bed. My stomach has settled down for now. “Can you open the window please? I don’t want to throw up again. Fresh air is the best right now.”

“No problem.” She opens the window.

I pull out my phone when she leaves. I see a message there from Dylan.

Dylan: Good morning, beautiful. I was thinking of coming to visit you.

Crap no, he can’t do that. Me: I am pretty busy right now. It might be best if you don’t. Plus I’m sick. I don’t want to give it to you.

Dylan: I could nurse you back to health.

Me: No it is best you work out your stuff there. I know that Brittney thing is still up in the air.

Dylan: I have already decided that I am taking on the baby. I am not going to be with Brittney. She doesn’t seem to really care.

Me: See sounds like a lot on your plate. You don’t need to worry about me.

Dylan: I already have it worked out. But I won’t have time to see you after the baby gets here. That was why I wanted to go now.

Me: I just don’t think it is best right now.

Dylan: Then start video chatting with me. I want to see your face.

Me: Maybe sometimes. Not all the time ok. I want you to date and have a life.

Dylan: You are my life.

Me: You’re getting ready to be a dad. There is more to your life now.

Dylan: I know but you are my life too. I know that when you get back here you will be a great mom.

Me: Yeah, I have been told that.

Dylan: Was it that guy?

Me: Dylan, that guy is Katelyn’s cousin. He lives here. There is nothing going on between us.

Dylan: I saw his picture. He is really attractive.

Me: You want to date him. I didn’t know you swung that way.

Dylan: You know what I mean.

Me: I am not some horn dog. I am heartbroken Dylan. I have no desire to be with anyone.

Dylan: I’m sorry.

Me: You should be.

Dylan: I won’t say anything about that guy again. Video chat with me.

Me: Fine tonight at 7 your time.

Dylan: Thank you. I love you.

Me: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I click over to call my mom. She answers quickly. “How are you, baby? I heard you were sick.”

“Is Dylan there?”

“Yes.”

“Can you step into another room, I don’t want Dylan to hear what I am going to say?”

“Alright hun.” I hear her on the line speak to Dylan. “I need a minute.” Then there is some rustling. “Ok. I am in my bedroom. What is it? Is everything alright?”

“Ok mom. I am going to tell you something, but I want you to promise that you will not tell Dylan. I don’t care if hell freezes you do not tell him until I say.”

“Ok, you’re scaring me. What is it?”

“Promise.”

“Alright I promise. What is it?”

“I am pregnant.” I am pretty sure I heard the phone fall, then there was a scream. Then I heard Dylan bust into the room.

“Are you alright Peggy?”

“Um,, Umm. Yeah, just a spider. It’s gone now. Thanks.” She picks up the phone again. But she waits for a few minutes for the door to close again. “Are you sure?”

“I took like five tests mom.”

“Is it Dylan’s?”

“Of course it is. Who else do you think it is?”

“You need to tell him, baby. He needs to know.”

“I will, but not right now. I just found out, let me get used to the idea. I mean we broke up, this isn’t something that will be easy to deal with.”

“I don’t think he got the memo on the breakup. He has been here having breakfast with me every day. I had a date the other night and had to make sure to call Dylan and tell him that he couldn’t come over. I should not have to do that, if you two broke up.”

“Mom, you shouldn’t have to do that anyway. It sounds like he is dating you. Just tell him to kick rocks or something.”

“I can’t do that. I can see how much he loves you. He sits here every morning and talks about you. I think he feels closer to you being here. A couple of times I found him in your room. I think the guy is hooked. You aren’t getting rid of him as quick as you think. And maybe this baby is a sign from God that you aren’t supposed to.”

“Maybe, but I am not ready to deal with this ok.”

“Alright. I will keep quiet for now. What about Polly have you told her?”

“No, I am getting there.”

“I will tell her when I go in. I will tell her not to tell Dylan either. He comes in sometimes and helps out.”This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.

“Jesus the guy is starting to sound obsessed.”

“He just lost you. He needs time to deal. Plus Polly kind of gave him a job.”

“He seems like he is trying to get closer, not get closure.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want closure. Just think about it baby. You have someone else who is going to need him now too.”

“Yeah, I know mom. Just promise that you won’t tell him alright. I can’t deal with him in my face right now. You and I both know he will be on the first flight out here if he finds out.”

“Honey, I love you, but you are being stupid right now. I will respect your wishes but I will keep telling you that you are being stupid, until you tell him.”

“Alright mom. I love you too. I need some rest. I just puked my guts out.”

“Ok. make sure you eat. Even though it comes back up you still get vitamins from it. Also get some good prenatal vitamins. Make sure you brush your teeth. That is important.”

“Thanks mom. I will. Bye.”

I click off the phone and lean back to think about what everyone has said. I mean he is already taking on a baby, that might not even be his. Would he be able to handle a baby that is his? Would our relationship be built on a baby and not on actual love? I just don’t know. I need time to think.