Chapter-90. Falling in fears(18+)
[Xanthea]
"I'm sorry," Ezra said, caressing my fingers as he applied an ointment that lowered the redness in my fingers around the ring almost instantly. "You are hurt because of me." '... Good luck protecting her. I hope you're not too late this time.'
Ever since Raven said those words, Ezra had been lost somewhere. He appeared calm and composed on the outside, but I could sense the restlessness gnawing at him from within. He was talking to me, but he was thinking about someone else. Perhaps it was someone he couldn't protect.
I could see it in his eyes.
The pain.
The emptiness.
It reminded me of-
'We'll make it...'
'I was too late. My only regret is I was too late to realize how desperately, madly, I needed this power, this strength.'
Ezra's words echoed in my head. I had always been curious about his past, but now that curiosity was more than ever. Yet a part of me resisted, terrified of the truth.
What if I failed to bear the weight of what I might uncover?
What if I hurt him more?
What if I lose all the warmth and the fragile connection that had built between us?
What if things go back to how they were in the beginning, or... get even worse?
We were in Ezra's condo in the Glass palace, sitting on the couch in the living area. The walls, ceiling, and even the furniture were composed of glass, seamlessly blended with soft, glowing lights that created a futuristic ambience. And I feared that, much like this house of glass, my one wrong question would shatter everything.
When I saw Raven kiss Nyssa in the parking lot while his eyes were on me, I realized something. A man can be with a woman and not be with her at the same time.
I didn't know Ezra's story, his past or his pain, so I had no right to come to conclusions, but I couldn't stop thinking.
I looked at Ezra, who was still tending to my hand.
Who do you see when you look at me, Ezra?
Do you see me? Or are your eyes searching for someone else in me? Perhaps someone you lost?
My throat closed up as I blinked back the tears that threatened to show.Content © NôvelDrama.Org.
My own thoughts twisted my heart in ways it hurt like never before.
Overwhelmed, I drew in a deep breath, taking my hand back from him.
"Thank you. I'm better now," I smiled faintly.
Ezra glanced at me, and then quickly lowered his gaze.
"I shouldn't have brought you into this mess. It had nothing to do with you..." he said.
"Maybe I was indeed the wrong choice. I'm sorry..." I whispered, lowering my gaze. "For not being as strong as the other Luna candidates."
"Are you kidding me? You were magnificently lethal today. The other candidates were walking on pins and needles. Your very presence had them on edge." Ezra said, lifting my chin to meet his gaze. He tucked my hair behind my ear and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead.
"Angel... it's not your strength that I question. It's mine. I'm the problem here. There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect you. What I fear is... if it will be enough in the coming future."
"To fear the future is to fall today. Future comes with uncertainties, serendipities and unexpected turns of events..."
Before I knew I was involuntarily reciting lines from my mother's diary as it flashed in my mind. Ezra contemplated me and I let out a nervous chuckle.
"M-my mother's words. I might have repeated them to myself a million times, and a million more ever since I came here, in the Infernal realm."
Ezra lowered his head almost as though he were apologizing for everything he did in the past.
"However cruel this realm might be, it has treated me well. Better than I could have expected when I married you. I can't say I'm having the best life, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be." We contemplated each other for a moment, silently agreeing to one another before I lowered my head, intertwining my fingers.
"Back there. In the council. There was a moment..." he said, taking a deep breath "... I thought you'd say no."
"I won't say I didn't consider it," I said, stroking the ring on my finger.
"Then... why did you say yes?" his voice faltered by the end.
I shrugged.
"There can be many reasons. Let's just say I wanted some power. You offered it. I took it. Who wouldn't?"
Ezra looked at me, taken aback, and then smiled.
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I frowned at him. "Why? You don't believe me?"
He shook his head and then looked into my eyes again.
"I expect a lot of danger from you, Xanthea, but this is not a political arena. You don't have to give me diplomatic answers," he said.
"An Alpha gets down on his knees before an Omega in the presence of a council filled with elders, ranks in power, and influential people. If that's not a political setting, I don't know what is."
I looked at Ezra. He had a soft smile on his face as he peered into nothingness.
I sighed, looking away. "I knew," I murmured. "I knew it was something important for you. That's why I said yes."
He took a quick gulp and nodded.
"When I entered the council, I was expecting to be played with, humiliated or even punished, but instead... you honored me... you empowered me." My voice cracked. "I am not afraid, Alpha. I'm grateful. And after everything you've done for me, I couldn't let you down."
Ezra let out a soft, almost dejected chuckle.
"So... that was your way of repaying me?"
"How can I ever repay you?" I said in an almost impassive tone.
With those few words, the weight of all the unspoken thoughts, unanswered questions, and unprocessed emotions grew even heavier.
After a brief pause, he said, "you are brilliant at setting boundaries, Xanthea. Just like tonight. With this frail, translucent piece of fabric on your face, you created a boundary that even demon lords wouldn't dare cross." Ezra's fingers brushed the edge of my veil as he moved closer.
I gazed through the glass walls, watching the dark clouds shift and change shapes in the night sky.
"I hope you remember it wasn't me who set these boundaries, alpha..." I said.
"Can't you drop these boundaries? Just for tonight." He leaned in, his deep voice resonating seductively in my ears.
His hand lifted toward the veil. I hesitated, my heart pounding with a mix of dread and desire. But before he could go any further, I rose from the couch, my breaths cold and shallow.
And once again, we were in absolute silence. It was awkward and tense. We drove here in silence as well, which was broken only by his apologies.
I think we were both trying to stay in the present with one another, but with everything that happened today, our minds couldn't help but wander around.
My thoughts about Asher blurred into Raven, and before I knew it, they all spiraled back to Ezra.
And all I felt was a tangled mess of so many emotions, none of which I could decipher properly. There was a constant visceral jitter inside me, mixing with anxiety and uncertainty I had never felt before.
Before I could walk too far from him, Ezra grabbed my wrist, closing the distance between us until my back was pressed against his chest.
I gasped softly, my eyelids fluttering as I felt his heart pounding so fiercely that, for a moment, I felt my own heart stop.
Licking my dry lips, I tried to step away from him. Distance seemed to be the only safe remedy for the fever building in my body, the haze of my heat pulling us irresistibly closer.
My breath hitched as his fingers grazed my skin, gently sweeping my hair off my neck.
"I didn't know you could be this heartless," he muttered, his nose trailing up the crook of my neck as he took a deep, lingering inhale, savoring my scent.
My fists clenched as a wave of electrifying shudder surged through me, heat radiating from his touch igniting fireworks across my skin.
"That was your game, wasn't it? To be heartless," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat, trying hard to ignore the building rush between my legs.
His hand trailed down my waist and as he pressed our lower bodies together, I could feel his length hard against my ass.
"Those games stopped a long time ago, angel..."
While his one hand glided slowly from my arm to my fingers, his other deftly unbuttoned my waistcoat, tugging my shirt free from my pants.
"They stopped the moment I put this ring on your finger for the first time," he murmured, his scorching hand slipping under my shirt.
I shut my eyes, surrendering to the sparking sensation as goosebumps rushed across my body, my nipples hardening against my bra.
Unzipping my pants, he slowly slithered his hand into my panty. Gliding his fingers across my wet pussy, he cupped my breast, his fingers teasing my nipple. Melting into his touch, I leaned back against him, biting down on my lip.
He gently tapped my swollen clit, making it throb for more. A tingling weakness shot through my legs as his fingers moved in slow circles, each touch pulling moanful gasps out of my throat.
My mouth hung open in a silent cry when he plunged his fingers inside me. My hips rocked against his and I could feel him getting harder.
With his free hand, he took off my suit and waistcoat.
"Alpha..."
"Don't worry, Angel. I will respect your boundaries while I invade them... respectfully," he growled, his words sending shivers down my spine.
My chest rose and fell faster as I turned around, breaking free from his hold.
His dark, desire-drunken eyes held mine, offering the same risk a flame presents to a moth. Yet the moth never flees - it dives straight into the fire, allowing the flames to consume it until nothing remains but ashes.
I knew none of this was a game. His emotional vulnerability and sincerity were the proof. So, I couldn't understand why I was holding myself back from accepting him emotionally.
The answer seemed simple - I didn't want to fall in love. Yet, that wasn't the only reason. But I didn't care anymore.
The pain of holding myself back consumed me in such an intoxicating mix I pressed my lips against his, the veil between us turning into a sacred barrier.
Pushing him onto the couch, I straddled his hips, breathing heavily.