[36] a
“Are you going home?” I asked, looking at Cedric with, I don’t know… sadness, I guess, if he really has to leave. Who will take care of me tonight? I can still clearly remember that he was the one who would wait for me. But now? Cedric put on his jacket. He must be going, right? Leaving me again, right? I’ve been obedient all day, you know. Why should I be left behind?
Cedric approached me and kissed my forehead. I feel that since I waved the peace flag and accepted him, Cedric has never played around or hesitated to show his feelings for me. There’s no awkwardness at all.
“No, I just want to grab some coffee at the cafe across the street.”
“Will it take long?”
He shook his head. “No, just a moment.”
I can’t hold him back, can I? So I just nodded. Just buying coffee, not what I had thought. I allowed my eyes to satisfy themselves by gazing at Cedric’s back before it disappeared behind my hospital room door.
I remembered how the story about Cedric ended up with me being introduced by his mother, online through a video call. I never imagined that Cedric could be crazier and more unpredictable than me, who was yearning for him!!!
Yes, I didn’t misjudge the situation! We greeted each other awkwardly because I thought it was the craziest thing I had ever done in my life! When Cedric saw me with Henry, he decided to step back for a while. He said, “I might lose control later. So I’ll take a break and clear my mind.”
That’s when the call from his family came. They informed him that his mother was sick and he had to return immediately. That’s why all my calls, chats, and messages-Cedric said he didn’t ignore me, he just wanted to focus on his mother for now. Although he did reply to me and called me back with brief explanations, it was enough.
He apologized for his mistake. He couldn’t focus at all because he was really worried about his mother. Cedric shared everything openly. His eyes showed deep sadness. He was afraid that something bad would happen to his mother. I let Cedric rest his forehead on my shoulder, as if he was sharing everything, he felt with me.
I got lost in his sadness too. If only I had known earlier, maybe I could have comforted him a little. Cedric himself didn’t want to talk, right? I assumed he was so angry because he saw me with Henry, who seemed to be intimate with me even though he wasn’t. He ignored me because of those emotions.
Ah, it was so frustrating!
And well… Cedric really wanted me to talk to his mother. After I urged him, the situation reversed. His mother, Mrs. Iriana, who supposedly wanted to talk to me because Cedric still hadn’t invited me to visit, was the one who called. It turned out that she was around 65 years old-I only found out after I hung up the phone. I never expected that at all!
Her graceful features were still there. She just looked a bit pale due to the recovery process, which made her appear older. But indeed, she was older than my initial assumption.
We only had a brief introduction. Besides, I didn’t want to keep her on the phone for too long so that Mrs. Iriana could get back to resting. She also advised me to take better care of myself. I shouldn’t collapse too often and I mustn’t forget to take the vitamins and medication that the doctor prescribed for me.
One thing that made a warm feeling surge in my chest even more.
“Anya, take care of yourself, okay? If Cedric can’t take care of you properly, let me scold him.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I swallowed slowly. I never expected such a heartfelt acceptance.
“Get well soon, so we can meet, okay?”
“Take care and get well soon for you, too,” I said. Even though I only saw her through the phone screen, her warmth and sincerity reached deep into my heart.
“Of course, dear. I’ll be fine soon. I’ll have a grandchild in no time,” she replied.
Maybe pregnant women’s hormones are never stable. Just hearing those words made me teary-eyed as I recalled the events that led to my pregnancy. Perhaps, if the baby weren’t there, I wouldn’t be here either, right? But it feels…
“I’m sorry, Ma’am,” I said, choked up. “I’m sorry if the grandchild…”
“No need to apologize, dear.” I could clearly see she was still smiling. “It’s me who should apologize. I couldn’t teach my only son properly.”
That made me cry even more.
“But, Ma’am, Cedric doesn’t regret that I’m the one carrying his child. He said I look beautiful like this.”
I glanced at Cedric, who suddenly sat next to me, embracing me affectionately and giving me a peck on the cheek. Shameless!!! Even though I purposely tried to keep some distance from Cedric, I felt awkward talking to his parents in this situation!
“Enough of you! Do you want to get pinched again?”
Cedric just laughed unashamedly. I don’t know, but I felt like I was going to collapse? Oh my God!
“Alright then. Anya, rest now. I will too. I’ll arrange things so you both can visit me soon. I want to talk to Anya a lot,” she said.
I nodded softly, unable to resist. The time will come when I’ll be introduced to Cedric’s family in his hometown. So… I consider this as the colors of my life. No longer gray but like a rainbow. Mixed and attacked by naivety multiple times.
After the call ended, we still sat in the corner of the available sofa. The room was deliberately chosen according to the benefits of my insurance card. It was also for more privacy because I was sure Dona and Naomi would visit here often, just like they usually did during my recent hospitalization.
“Thank you for talking to my mom,” Cedric said, and suddenly my heart raced uncontrollably. His gaze drowned me, and I couldn’t look away.
“It wasn’t bad,” I replied after hanging up with Cedric’s mother.
“What’s on your mind?”
I shrugged. I don’t know. I feel like there’s a ton of fear because our introduction is based on my pregnancy. If not for that, we might not have met, right? I wouldn’t have even looked in Cedric’s direction. I could have gone back to Henry, and who knows what would have happened in that different path of my life.
Besides trying to enjoy and accept this, what else can I do, right? Acceptance is part of life, and I know that from my experience with being left by my parents. I often wondered why, but I never found the answer. I was too young back then to be blamed for school grades or something like that. Why did they leave me? Only they know, and I can only answer that after years of searching for the answer. I guess I just wasn’t wanted by them.
If I had acted on my evil intentions back then, and if God had granted my wish, wouldn’t I have become like my parents? Abandoning an innocent child for the same reason? If I wasn’t wanted, then why did my mother get pregnant with my father? They acted with full consciousness, right?
Am I like this? Half-consciously flirting with other men like this?
I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who care about my well-being.
“Joice? Are you daydreaming?” Cedric asked, making me blink slowly. My daydream shattered.
“Oh, no.”
“Is there something my mom said that upset you?”
I shook my head firmly. “No, nothing.” I immediately heard Cedric sigh with relief.
“Thank goodness then, Joice. I thought something was bothering you. You seemed quiet after talking to my mom.”
I gave him a small smile. “No, Cedric.”
We both sank into silence. Slowly, I lowered my head to rest on his shoulder, just as my heart slowly fell for him. Even though he’s a simple guy, he has a straightforward life.
“Cedric, where is your hometown? Is it far away? Do you travel there or how?” I asked.
He chuckled. “My parents’ house is in Cosmopolis. If you plan to visit, we’ll ask the doctor if it’s okay for a pregnant woman like you to travel long distances.”
Am I not mistaken? Why does that name sound familiar?
Krystal.
Didn’t Krystal’s parents also fall ill? And in Cosmopolis too?
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