The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.

“D-Does it happen that y-you also forgot… what h-happened to u-us… almost four years-” Liam was stuttering until he decided not to continue his full statement. Shock covered my whole body when he anxiously hit the steering wheel while clenching his teeth. “Damn it!”

After what he raucously did, Liam rubbed his face with his palms and grabbed a fistful of his hair. He pulled on it while he was quite shaking in dread. He looked so amplified with terror as if he had no escape, but why was he acting this way?

Honestly, something stabbed my chest, and I quickly became nervous about what he was doing. It was the first time I saw Liam acting like this and I must admit, it made me move an inch from my seat. I held my chest because my heart was drumming so loud, and my eyes were all wide open. Was Liam mad, scared, furious, hurt, or troubled? I didn’t know the answer.

What is happening to him? What is he trying to say to me?

Is this still related to the drunken mistake that I did? Is it because I still couldn’t remember what happened yesterday? But what about that four years?

My mouth was set in a tough line, making me hard to open it. My eyes slowly became blurred with tears. Why would Liam suddenly hit the steering wheel right in front of me?

“W-Wait, Liam… you’re confusing me, w-what are you saying? I’m sorry if I got drunk last night, and if I still don’t remember what happened to me. I’m sorry if… if you saw me dancing with those men, I-I didn’t mean it. But please… please don’t be like this, you are quite scaring me. I’m sorry,” I apologetically said. I almost cracked my voice when my first tear fell. 

If I could see myself in the mirror, I would have seen my rosy-white cheeks from earlier suddenly turned into being pale. It was as if all my blood had drained me throughout, and my whole body was trembling now. I was lost and confused by Liam’s unexpected behavior. I couldn’t help but think about what went wrong.

Muddled on how things went through, I steadied myself trying to comprehend what was going on around him. I was trying to grasp what could be the reason for his sudden actions, but I couldn’t do it. While sniffing, I detached my seatbelt for me to focus on him.

We were already okay this morning. We reconciled, and now, this happened. I could not understand him. But he could make me comprehend-he could at least explain everything to me, and I would make sure to understand him to the best of my ability.

What about this thing that I forgot? That something happened to us? But why does he have to mention that certain four years… when we only met last year?

He seized my hands again, and I could feel that Liam’s hands were cold and clammy. Just gazing at his eyes, I could feel his internal struggle.

“No. You didn’t have to be sorry, Diane. It was all my fault. I should be the one to say sorry to you… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry if I scared you, hmm? I promise, it won’t happen again. I won’t ever be this stupid and reckless again.” He then embraced me so tight as if he didn’t want to let me go. It was so tight I could feel my crushing bones.

I just let him do that, even though it was the first time his hug made me feel uncomfortable. It was telling me that Liam did something I wasn’t aware of. But despite everything, I didn’t argue and just hugged him back. After what happened yesterday, all I could give him now were peace and assurance.

After a few minutes of wordlessly cuddling each other, I slowly released Liam and cupped his face. Although he seemed to be dejected, he was still as stunning as ever, and just by looking at him already made my heart leap for a second.

“But wait, w-what was that s-something I forgot about the two of us?” I meekly asked him.

He heaved a deep sigh first before he answered my question, and that made his lower lip tremble. “We already met before, Diane. About four years ago… on the night of our birthdays together. I did something to you, and it was so terrible. It was… unforgivable.”

Trying to digest what Liam was saying, I swallowed first because something appeared to clog my throat. I was looking at him with my eyes full of questions, fears, and doubts. I was trying to read what was on his mind, but I could not.

My nose crinkled as questions preoccupied my head. I opened my mouth, but no words came out of it. But why did I feel that something was off when Liam said that we had already met before, and he did me something terrible… even unforgivable? My two eyebrows almost knitted together. I was so confused. I wasn’t good at solving puzzles, but everything seemed to be disordered.

How could that even be possible when we only met last year?

Ah, right! Maybe, Liam just made a mistake. He might have just mistaken me for someone else. Perhaps, my boyfriend was just really tired, and that made him hallucinate.

A long silence followed afterwards, and it was what permeated inside Liam’s car. I saw some beads of sweat forming at his forehead, although the air-conditioner here was on. Liam brushed his palms again all over his face and bowed his head before he stared at me.

What is happening to him? He looked so depressed.

“I’m sorry, Diane… please forgive me. I’m… I’m really sorry!” Liam started to break down with tears. He was even begging me in deep, short, and sudden breaths.

My heart sank when I didn’t even know what he was begging for. I didn’t even know the reason why he was acting this way-saying sorry for how many times already and now, he was vulnerably sobbing. Seeing Liam at this kind of state would be the last thing I would have ever wanted to see. It was killing me.

In just a blink of an eye, gone was the perfect, powerful, and influential CEO I once knew. Now, he looked like his whole life was about to shatter. This scene looked so similar from the time he revealed to me about his stained past. But, no… it was more than that. Liam looked like being destroyed as his life got pitched into the dark. 

Why is he suddenly acting like this?

At this moment, I could feel like my heart was crushing while witnessing that Liam might be emotionally wounded, and he was only hiding it. I knew him for being so strong and dependable, but now, I just couldn’t believe that he became so helpless. 

Clueless, I wanted my warmth to seep and comfort him without even opening my mouth. I wanted to help him, but he wasn’t telling me how.Content rights by NôvelDr//ama.Org.

This time, I hugged him like I was forever bonded with him. I let Liam lean on my shoulder and gave him a space to breathe. I wanted him to feel safe with my love that was undemanding and free, although he was dealing with these struggles.

“Shh, hush now! If you can’t tell me yet, that’s fine. Please… I just want you to stop saying sorry, okay? I’m getting confused about this thing that we already met before, but it takes time, Liam. It takes time…” I told him before I continued.

“If you are having difficulties while telling me, then don’t tell it to me now. We have a lot of time together, and I wasn’t in a rush. I understand and moving forward, I will continue to understand you no matter what. So please, cheer up…” I emphasized while gently tapping his back. Tears were stinging my eyes as my cheeks scrunched.

Holding myself back from asking a lot of questions, I comforted him in the best possible way I could. I wouldn’t jump to groundless conclusions anymore without hearing his side first. I promised to understand him for our relationship to last long and stay stronger than ever before.

“Thanks, Diane. Thank you for loving me, for trusting me, and for understanding me. I hope that you will really fight for me no matter what. I love you, and I had never loved anyone else the way I loved you. Please stay with me… I can’t afford to lose you.” Liam hugged me in return, squeezing me tighter.

But why does it feel like there was something more than this? However, I set aside my thoughts because I promised to understand him completely.

A few minutes had passed, I looked at his eyes while gently touching his perfectly chiseled face. “Even though I really couldn’t remember what I told you last night, I will say it afresh now to confirm and make everything clear between the two of us…” I snuffled.

“I’ll stay and I will fight for you no matter what, Liam. I love you so much, and nothing or no one can ever change that. Nothing can separate us. From now on, we will fight for each other-even if it means we have to go against the world. Okay?” I gratefully beamed at him, which I guessed the reason why his lips painted a satisfied smile as well.

Liam murmured his thanks again before he leaned forward, softly cupped my face, and kissed my lips as hungry as he could. Doubts and fears should not matter anymore.